The Blob
by Anti-Mattering
Summary: A normal day turns awful for the Crusaders after finding a strange object on the road to Cairo.


Jotaro stood outside the restaurant the group had just dined at smoking a cigarette and not really paying much attention to his surroundings. There was always that instinctive draw towards movement that had developed ever since the start of this journey, but things seemed to be quiet enough right now despite their proximity to Cairo.

All in all, they might actually have an uneventful day of travel. At least, that's what he would have thought if he hadn't noticed the disgusting blob laying only a few feet away from him.

Immediately, Jotaro spat his cigarette and called out Star Platinum, ready in case the thing turned out to be some kind of explosive Stand bomb or sac full of acid. Several tense seconds passed, but neither of those predictions appeared true. In fact, nothing happened at all.

Prodding it once with Star Platinum's finger, the thing fell over itself in the place where it touched but otherwise remained unresponsive. Calling back his Stand, Jotaro approached on his own, doing a quick scan around the crowd to see if anyone suspicious might be watching.

Against his better judgment, he finally picked the thing up, and that sure was a mistake. With a grimace, he nearly hurled it as far as he could. While it wasn't slimy, it sure felt like it should be. Just a turgid sack filled with some kind of gravy that tried desperately to hold its shape despite seemingly wishing to melt over his hand.

Naturally, what he did next was try to get someone else to check this shit out. "Hey, Kakyoin," he called to the other boy. "Come feel this thing."

Unaware of the grave error he was about to make, Kakyoin complied, holding out his hand for Jotaro. "What is this?" he asked, a look of pure terror passing over his face as it landed in his palm. "It's...it's like a ball of vomit! Are there chunks inside? Where did you find this? What is it?"

Jotaro shrugged, having no good answers to any of that. All that was certain was that neither of them wanted anything to do with this horror. Desperately looking for a way out, Kakyoin spotted Polnareff exiting a toilet with a look of disappointment – business as usual, essentially.

"Polnareff, perfect timing!" He tossed the thing through the air, shouting, "Catch!"

"Wait, what?" Reflexively, Polnareff caught the blob as it sailed towards him, recoiling in horror and letting out a scream as it squished in his hand. "What the hell is this? It's like cheese that's been aged too long! Like that cheese they put live maggots in!"

"What's all the noise about?" Joseph said, exiting the restaurant after he finished paying for the group's meal. Without a word, Polnareff chucked the blob towards the old man. "Oh my God!" he screamed after grabbing it. "It's...it's like a full diaper! A diaper that's about to explode all over my hand!"

Looking side to side in desperation, he spotted Iggy as his only saving grace. "Fetch!" he yelled, throwing the blob as far as he could. Natural instinct taking over, the dog made chase until actually catching up to the thing. Apprehensive, he pawed the thing, letting out a yelp and trying desperately to shake it off.

Unable to form the words to express his disgust, Iggy could only bark. Though he couldn't understand what this thing was or how it operated, all he knew for certain was that he hated it. It was like when you go to sniff another dog's ass and they start shitting right in your face, but somehow even worse.

"Looks like Iggy's found some trash," Avdol said with a laugh. "You can't just pick things up off the ground. They're dirty."

"No!" the group shouted as he went to grab the thing. Their warning came too late, though, as the blob now stuck to Avdol.

Screaming in terror, he waved his arm around to try and dislodge the horrid thing. "Someone help!" Avdol shouted. "What is this? It's like a ball of wet newspaper soaked in urine! It's just slightly warm! Someone get it off me!" Without even thinking, he did the one thing that came natural and pawned the object off on someone else. "I'm so sorry!" he apologized before sprinting the other way, the rest of the group following him as the unsuspecting man he'd given the thing to realized the horror of what he was holding.

Though none of them would ever know and would actively do their best to forget this ever happened, that blob was actually a Stand named Satan Gave Me a Taco. Originally belonging to an awful man who did nothing but sit inside watching pornographic video tapes, it became free of him for reasons unknown.

Completely useless in every way just like its original owner, the Stand could do nothing but feel absolutely disgusting and cling to whoever touched it until their death, only coming free when it was passed on to someone else.

Some say it may still be out there to this day, being shunted to one person after another in a desperate bid to finally be rid of it.

* * *

I don't know.


End file.
